Inner child

How to work with the inner wounded child
and an example of a 'Gordian knot'

An example form a client's diary about an irrational pattern, created at the age of six.

“That evening I felt so faint-hearted. I felt like giving up. Earlier that day my guide had come to me and reminded me to be proud of the who I am. During the day I had taken the message into my mind and heart by repeating affirmations about being proud of myself. During the night, still sad, I woke up, couldn’t sleep… didn’t manage to turn my thoughts to positive. When I woke up that morning I was still dark in my mind. I understood that this had to be caused by a wound in the past. I asked for help on the pendulum.

I needed to go back to my childhood. I soon found a situation from the time I was 6. We had just moved to a new place. I had got acquainted with a girl in the neighbourhood. It was early fall and outside their house, her big brother had got the task to throw a heap of firewood through a little window into the basement. The boy was about 11-12 years old. He wanted us to help him, of course, so he instructed us in how to do it. He told us not to throw at the stick of wood that held the window open, or else… (I remember he used some very rude expressions.) As the window was turning inwards and I could not see it, I didn’t understand what he meant. I found the job very funny and eagerly I started to throw. Can you imagine how proud I was when this big boy asked me for help! I felt very proud… and good at it! Until I threw at the stick that held the window open… and bang! It fell down and the glass broke… Scared to death I ran home, being certain that the boy would beat me. I remember now I was afraid of that boy all the time, as long as we lived at that place.

Well, I went into the emotions when it happened. I suddenly remembered how proud I was! I remembered how happy and eager I was and how I enjoyed it… until the disaster. I failed! It was all my fault! It felt like a total disaster. There was nobody to comfort me, only one who wanted to punish me. I remember, I did not dare to tell my parents.

Now I understood why I had become in this bad mood and why I had lost all my guts that day. I had affirmed for myself the whole day that "I am proud of the one I am…" In that memory I felt that my pride of being good led to disaster and punishment…"

This is what we call a Gordian knot. A good positive feeling and loving intention ended up in a painful experience which created a painful pattern that subconsciously states: "This is the way it is!" Such Gordian knots are irrational and a real challenge to see unless you understand the nature of the soul.

The soul does not have the ability to think rationally. What it experiences becomes a rule.

The lady needed to go back to the feelings at the moment when it happened. In this case the pattern she created was like this: "When I am proud and happy to help, I make a mistake and people get angry at me and want to punish me".
Later in her life, this pattern (the rule in her subconscious mind) made her create a failure and subconsciously expect that people would get angry and punish her when she was proud of herself and happy to help.
She told us that whilst working through by accepting her feelings, she realized several things that had happened in her life had shown her this pattern. Many pictures from her life had popped up.
She used the acceptance tool about the situation in this way, including both positive and negative things in the same sentences:

"I accept that I feel that I make mistakes when I am proud of being good.
I accept that I feel that I will be punished when I am proud of being ‘one of the gang’.
I accept that I feel that when I am eager and proud, something awful happens.
I accept that I feel, that when I am proud to be the one I am, I do a mistake and deserve punishment.
I accept that I feel that I deserve punishment when I do my best.
I accept that I am afraid that the boy is going to beat me.

Our client tells on:

"Still, I wasn’t through. When I started the second key about forgiveness, the pain wallowed through me again and I decided to use the inner child technique. I went out of myself as a child and then approached the little me as the one I am now. I sat down to talk to little 'Harriet'. She was still terrified!

I told her that this was an accident that could happen to anybody. I told her I had seen how good she was to throw the wooden sticks. I explained everything for her. I told her it was nice that she is proud about herself. She argued against me. She sobbed and was convinced that she deserved nothing but punishment! I didn’t give up, but said to her: "I love you just the way you are. It doesn’t matter that the window is broken. I love you even if you feel that you get punished because you are proud of being good…" at last I got her confident and joyful so that I could take her on my lap and hold my arms around her. At last she wanted to live in my heart for ever."

We need to try out many sentences to hit the feelings. What is very important, to be able to release Gordian knots, is to make sentences that include both the loving intention and the negative outcome... We need to empty ourselves of the grief and anger...Then the irrational pattern dissolves! Do this very thoroughly. Those sentences that feel right, we need to repeate until the painful feelings fade…

Releasing the inner child, we go into the picture as our grownup self today. Approach the child in the situation and remove all the people who are present. Be there in the present. Sit down with him/her and ask if she wants to sit on your lap. You might need to take time for this. And you really need to take your inner child seriously. The situation is real! Tell him/her first of all that you love him/her, exactly the way they are. Tell them that you love them even if they feel... all the feelings you just accepted - and even if they feel that they don't deserve love. Use all the love you have in your heart and all ways of comfort.

Then, when the child has calmed down, you need to take a look at forgiveness...
Be the child again and feel what and who you need to forgive... If it is difficult, go to the higher perspective and see that those who hurt you had their baggage of pain making them do what they did. See them in front of you and tell them from your heart that you forgive them!
Take your time and cry all the tears you need to cry. Tell them your pain, if you need. If you hit upon even more hate or aggression, go back to the acceptance situation again and repeat until you have emptied yourself. Know that you do a great favour to yourself first of all, lifting off this burden.

This really works. Now, when you feel the child on your lap again, you will feel how he/she is able to relax and feel love.

If you at any time are so overwhelmed by grief that you cannot stop crying, take a break. Have something to eat or drink. Take a break away from the situation. The break helps your subconscious system to calm. When you continue after half an hour, you will feel that the wounds are healed and you can move on.

Now you ask your inner child if she wants to live in your heart. If you are through, they says yes! Then you and your inner child create a room in your heart. The room is just the way the child want it to be. Spend time for this also! When the child has jumped from your lap and started to enjoy being in the room, you can ask him/her: Can I go on now? If you are through, they will say that it is OK and you will feel that it is really OK. Be true to yourself. Tell them that you can come to visit them whenever they wishes.

Now you are back to your grownup self. You lie still for a while and feel the love for yourself. Be love. Take a look back at the situation that you have worked through. Is there any kinds of feelings still hurting? If you have worked thoroughly, there isn't. Be proud of yourself!

You are through!

A story from 2004

A journey into the body. About a meeting with the inner child the soul:
"From time to time I get eczema on my hands. Small liquid filled itchy areas appear. It is unpleasant and irritating. For many years I thought I was allergic to strong soaps. When I recently had eczema again, I needed to go into the irritated areas to ask why they were there… This is from my diary:

“I have contact. In a little room, there is a person sitting crouched with her face away from me. The creature expresses not only impatience, but a lot of aggression and even hatred. (I had no idea that these feelings lived inside me!) After a while I am able to make her turn around. The face she shows me is one of a monster… an ugly mask with an enormous jaw. Now she cries. She sobs. There is also a kind of despondency, she feels everything is so hopeless. I start to comfort her and during the conversation between us I recognize the things that I recently have suppressed to be able to cope with my daily life. I let her express her impatience, her anger, her feeling of being rejected. I tell her that I understand her. I tell her I accept and forgive that she is impatient and angry. I explain how the person who did the actions that made her experience painful things didn’t mean to hurt her. I explain to her how they have their path to go, and how they have responsibility for their own journey. I tell her that they are doing as best as they can. They too have forgotten that they are love. I tell her that I love her. Still she goes on: “I am ugly”. I said: “I accept that you are ugly. It’s OK. I still love you.” She cries. I hold my arms around her and while I do, her mask transforms into a beautiful golden shining face and she smiles. While holding around her I start to dance with her. Slowly the heavy feelings she was carrying melts away and she becomes a wonderful, joyful part of me.”

"When I go into a dialog with my inner child like this, I, ‘the driver’, need to meet them with my feelings, true understanding, love and compassion. I have to really mean what I say to her.
My inner girl, who actually expresses my moon-sides or shadow beings, is now being integrated into my personality. I am expressing her feelings. She is more and more becoming a part of me.

As a result of the work with my inner child I see a clear picture of the body, the inner child and the moon-sides. I’ll describe it for you. Deep inside of you there is a wonderful loving child. It is shining very bright, like the sun. It is your god-essence which is connected to the Life force, the white light. It is how you were when you were born. It consists of love and joy. Over the years difficult things happened in your Life. You got hurt. You got angry. You felt abandoned. In those cases you didn’t let the little girl or boy inside express what you felt, the child put on a mask. A mask to disguise who it really is. As there have become rather a lot of masks over the years, they sometimes cloud your vision completely. The little child can hardly see through all the masks. But it is still there! It lives in your heart and it is directly connected to the universal energy.. When you travel inside your body, you will meet this child that is you, showing one of their masks. It might be a mask of you when you were 8 years and didn’t find anybody at home. Or it might be a mask of a monster who is telling you what you are really afraid of, one who is showing you a moon-side. The mask is always hiding a treasure of joy and sunshine behind it."